But If I Accept My Body, Am I Just Giving Up? Letting Myself Go?

This is the second blog post in my Body Acceptance series.
If you missed the first one, please check it out here.

I hear this question a lot. And I remember thinking it myself.  When you’ve relied on things outside yourself for so long, there’s a strong fear that without all the meal plans, the rules and shame- it’s just a downward spiral.

I don’t know when accepting our bodies became synonymous with not taking care of ourselves, (ahem- looking at you, diet culture), but I feel need to squash this one pronto.

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

To start, I’m going to ask you to pause in this moment and think about what your current definition of taking care of yourself is. Please give this at least 20 seconds of your time.

Now I will ask you to think about your daily routines when it comes to caring for your body.

Do they include:

·      Telling yourself, your body or others what’s wrong with you?

·      Feeling doubt and shame around your body or food choices?

·      Depriving yourself?

·      Exercising in a way that doesn’t feel good to your body- sometimes to the point of injury?

·      Squeezing your body into clothes that don’t fit?

·      Hiding or not being social because you’re ashamed of your body?

·      Ignoring your body’s messages around nourishment, movement and rest?

If you did these to any other living thing- would you consider this caring for them?
I’m guessing not!
So why is it ok for you?

Wouldn’t you argue to anyone else that this IS something that could use some changing?!

This is not your fault. We are constantly bombarded with messages from diet culture about what it means to "take care" of ourselves. They go something like:

You can’t trust yourself

Listen to us- we’re the experts on your body

This plan is the ONE. Just follow this diet and our rules and you’ll be ok

If you go rogue, you won’t know how to take care of yourself

Let’s be clear:

The diet industry has ZERO investment in you accepting your body. In fact, if you did, you wouldn’t rely on them anymore. Their entire economic existence ($60 billion/year) hinges on the fact you will continue to be unhappy with your body and turn to them over and over again.

So I ask you- knowing this-

Is this the machine you want helping you decide how to “care” for yourself?

ACCEPTANCE

Body acceptance is making room for what is

“This is my body in this moment.”

Acceptance is neutral-not a judgment call or a declaration of good or bad.

You don’t have to agree with, like or hate something to accept it. It means that you’re present- you’re aware.

Body acceptance is about quieting the external noise so you can tune into your body’s wisdom and make decisions from there.

This is how you start to trust yourself to take care of yourself.

A diet doesn’t know (or care) how you’re feeling that day- that you’re craving a rice bowl instead of salmon- that you’re feeling sick and want to sleep instead of work out- that weighing yourself makes you feel like shit.

Your body, your needs and your wants are going to change constantly. Acceptance creates flexibility and permission to make decisions based on reality and current circumstances rather than a rigid, all-or-nothing plan.

“LETTING YOURSELF GO”

I absolutely honor that moving into body acceptance may mean letting go of some things:

·      Letting go of the idea that something outside of you knows better

·      Letting go of giving your power away to the diet industry-

       who clearly do not have your best interest in mind

·      Letting go of the lie that there is a right and wrong way to have a body

BUT BODY ACCEPTANCE = LETTING YOURSELF GO?

Nope- not even close.

You’re making space for yourself.

You’re coming back to yourself.

You’re not giving up. You’re showing up.

You’re connected to yourself.

And connected is the opposite of letting go.

So how exactly do you go about cultivating body acceptance for yourself?
That's what I'm covering in the third and final installment in this series. Stay tuned!
 

If Body Positivity Feels Impossible, Try This

This is the first installment of a 3-part blog series I have coming your way! 

IF BODY POSITIVITY FEELS IMPOSSIBLE, TRY THIS

It took you a long time but you’re so over it-

• Over the endless failed diets and not feeling good enough
• Over the weight and body shame
• Over putting your life on hold

The shame spirals aren’t working and you’re ready to exit the diet rollercoaster. But just as you’re venturing into new territory, you hit an unexpected roadblock:  Body Positivity. WAIT- WHAT?!

It’s normal when you’re getting off the rollercoaster to feel a little lost. While you’re ready to stop hating your body, you may not always identify as feeling love or positivity towards it either.

Many of the women I work with express the same concern: 

·      “I don’t want to hate my body anymore, but loving it? I don’t know about that either. Now what?"
 

·      “I believe in body positivity for other people, but not for me! At least not yet!”

 ·      “So if I’m not 100% positive about my body all the time- am I doing it wrong?”

Hopping straight from body shame to body love may feel like too big a leap after years on the body battlefield. And if that’s your measuring stick, it’s easy to assume you’re doing something wrong or that body positivity isn’t in the cards for you.

Let me start by taking that boulder off of you:
 

It’s ok if body positivity isn’t where you’re at

You’re allowed to be wherever you are in your journey

The Truth? 

It’s not all-or-nothing. At the beginning of my journey, I had such a specific idea of what leaving diets behind would look like. After two decades, I was suddenly going to be that gal oozing body love, totally cool with mirrors, shorts and being the first to jump into pictures! It stung when that didn't come easy at first. I found peace in the middle.
 

Healing your relationship to your body is a process that takes time.

Approaching it like a diet won’t work.

It’s not linear and there is no exact formula.

It’s not about doing it right or wrong.

Body shame or body positivity- those are not your only options. Untangling yourself from our diet-obsessed culture includes making space for multiple truths to exist.

There are going to be days when you feel like hot shit and others where you feel like a hot mess! Sometimes they happen in the same day. Heck- at the same time!

And there may be times when body positivity feels natural and easy. But just like anything else, it’s unrealistic to think you’re going to feel it every second of everyday.

Healing is a spectrum. Unlike diets- quick mastery and swift results is not the point. Reclaiming your life and sanity is.

So where to start?

Body acceptance

Before you can love something, you have to acknowledge that it exists. Acceptance makes space for what is without judgment.
 

“This is NOT my body.”

How many times have you said or thought this to yourself? Think of the immense time and effort you have invested keeping this mindset alive. Imagine having that energy back.
 

What if the first step was to relax that stronghold and make space for the idea of,

 “This is my body in this moment.”  

Which phrase creates more ease for you?

Stay tuned! In the next post in my 3-part Body Acceptance Series, I will go further into the many questions and misconceptions around the idea of body acceptance, such as the ever popular,

“But if I accept myself, isn’t that just letting myself go?”

Are You Living a Temporary Life?

Does this sound familiar?

-       “I’ll take that beach vacation when I lose 20lbs”

-       “I just want to wait until I’m at my goal size before I buy new clothes”

-       “I’ll sign up to speak at that conference next year. I’ll be smaller by then”

Basically it’s the same-old version of the classic:

"I’ll _________________ when my body is _____________ (smaller, thinner, stronger, etc)"

Somewhere along the way, you’ve gotten this idea that your current body is temporary- that there is this smaller, thinner version of you waiting to come out and THEN your life begins.

And the woman you’ve got in your imagination - she’s amazing.

·      She travels

·      She speaks her mind

·      She goes to dance class and signs up for improv

·      She takes risks

·      She flirts

·      She wears what she wants

·      She radiates confidence

I mean, why wouldn’t you want to be her? So if your thoughts are telling you that these things aren’t possible because of your current size - your life’s work then becomes changing your body instead of living in your current one. But what if your thoughts were wrong?

I hear you.
When I was in the thick of it with diet culture, I was an expert at waiting:

Waiting for my arms to get toned so I could go sleeveless

Waiting to be smaller before hiking with friends or making that dating profile

Why bother buying pants that fit? I won’t be this size for long
 

The list was endless. And eventually I realized:

     - I'd been trying to change my body FOREVER and I was no closer to that fabulous life

     - I was sick of not being in any pictures

     - My clothes were too small and they flipping hurt

I was so over it: the self doubt - the worry - the comparisons - the hiding.

Life was too short and I was missing it.

I had to make space in my brain that maybe this waiting thing wasn't working for me.

I started living my life as if my body wasn't temporary.

And things really started shifting.

Many of the women I work with aren't always ready/wanting to jump on the body love train but they ARE ready to stop declaring war on themselves.

That's a great place to start.

TEMPORARY BODY = TEMPORARY LIFE

No wonder you’re not happy in your current body. You’re not actually living in it! You’re in a holding pattern. When you view your body as temporary, you most often treat it and live in it accordingly.
How could things be different if you:

Applied for that job

Got that awesome haircut 

Started moving your body in ways that feel good 

Treated your body with kindness.....now

Life is happening TODAY - not this fantasy “when.”  Imagine the possibilities if all that energy and brainpower of yours went towards building a life you love as you are now.

CHECK YOURSELF

Is this way of thinking working for you? If we're being honest - probably, in some way. The lie and illusion that your body is keeping you from having these things allows you to stay safe, small, under the radar and free from taking any risks.

But what else is true?

Is it helping you build the life you want?

How long do you have to wait?

Haven't you been waiting long enough already?

What if you worked on changing your thinking instead of your body?

THE WAITING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BODY SIZE

I want you to read that previous sentence a few more times. That’s how important it is.
 

The things that you’re really craving - peace, adventure, accomplishment, to glow, to be loved, desired, to be recognized for your work, to feel comfortable, confident and worthy - these are not sizes.

They’re feelings

They’re experiences

They’re memories

You acquire them by doing, by living
 

And they are not reserved for any specific body type.
Who says you have to wait?

FACT: Women of ALL shapes & sizes rock swimsuits, run businesses, fall in love, are athletes, get their pictures taken and lead full and amazing lives.

YOU CAN START WHERE YOU ARE 

There is no thinner version that needs to show up.

What if YOU started showing up? You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

And if what you need is a permission slip, then here it is.

Start where you are and build from there. 

You’re allowed. You’re worthy now. It’s ok to have fear. It doesn't need to be perfect. But just start.

Life is going to continue whether you’re participating or not.

Wouldn’t you rather be part of it?

IF YOU’RE READY TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT:

Make a list of 5-10 things you picture that body confident woman doing.

Now start putting your time and energy into putting one into action TODAY.

That’s how your life changes.

I’d love to hear what you choose.

And I can personally speak to the fact that life (especially summer) is so much better with sleeveless!

Jamie Earnhardt is a licensed professional counselor and body acceptance coach. To find out more about her work or to contact her, go to www.jamieearnhardt.com